“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.”
― Steve Maraboli
He didn’t call! I cannot say I am shocked, but I am surprised and yet I knew it in my heart. It is hard to explain, I had this instinct, this gut feeling that he would not call but at the same time how could he not after the great time we had? So there was this little trace of hope, but as the one week mark approaches that hope has vanished.
This dating thing is odd. Well, I guess people are odd. (“Don’t blame the game blame the player”) Some guys will call right away asking for another date when it was clear that there was zero chemistry, and then there are the dates where the sparks were flying all over the place and the guy never calls.
In the past I asked a guy that I dated, well dated is a loose word, because I made sure to tell him that I accepted to go out as friends and he said he was okay with that. So I asked him why he continued to pursue me when it was clear I had zero interest in him romantically and he said, and I quote: “I thought I could change your mind”. Then I asked one guy why he disappeared after a few great dates and he said, and again, I quote: “I think you are still in love with your ex-boyfriend”.
“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”
― Steve Hall
People have their reasons for doing things. I don’t have a problem with that. I have a problem with the delivery, the lack of respect in the way things are done. To just disappear? Perhaps that is an acceptable dating behavior, but to me just screams of cowardice and lack of respect!
I am proud to say that I will not be calling him and asking him what happened. I don’t care! I no longer need closure for this type of things because I no longer allow my heart to get involved that early in the game. Genius solution: no heart, no pain!
It was just a date, and I am learning to lighten up. (“learning” being the key here, I still take things way too seriously, and expect the best of people)
“Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners”
― Laurence Sterne
At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter the reason why someone chooses to do or not do something. What matters is how I conduct myself. What matters is that I am honest and upfront with everyone. I am only responsible for my actions.
I could come up with 300 reasons/excuses why he didn’t call, but at the day the truth is: “He is just not that into me”.
When a man wants something he goes after it, he will move mountains if he has to. Nothing will prevent him for getting what he wants. Well, at least that is the man I want. I don’t want the insecure and fearful. I want the brave!
I don’t want to judge (and yet this is what this post turned out to be about), but I appreciate honesty. I appreciate the man that does not just disappear, that all of a sudden stops calling and e-mailing and you are left to wonder what happened. I appreciate the man that steps up to the plate and tells me why he no longer wants to talk to me. I guess I still have a lot to learn. “The Four Agreements” just came to mind.
“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
So many lessons…
I still would not have changed a single thing about the date. Well, perhaps I would have made sure to get an extra kiss!
“Trying and getting hurt can’t possibly be worse for you than being… stuck.”
― Eliezer Yudkowsky,
I have just been invited to the Kanye West concert at Madison Square Garden this Saturday. I said yes, but I am not sure if it will work out or not. I have never met this person or spoke with him on the phone, but I figure that I will be safe at a concert. We still have to talk on the phone and iron details out and between now and Saturday a lot can happen …
This person is not the type of person I have been going on dates with lately – in all senses. But perhaps there lies the magic.
I am not willing to discount someone because of appearances, because of their profession or lack of formal education. I want to decide on integrity, respect, morals, and manners. I care about actions, not words. I don’t care where someone has been; I care about where they are going.
“In order to fly you have to create space in the open air so that your wings can really spread out. It’s like a parachute. They only work from a high altitude. To fly you have to begin taking risks. If you don’t want to, maybe the best thing is just to give up, and keep walking forever.”
― Jorge Bucay,
“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.”
― Charlotte Brontë
But here are the real big questions occupying my mind lately:
1) What am I going to do for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years? I don’t have family here in the US and I don’t normally fly to Brazil on holidays. I used to go on Thanksgiving just to take advantage of the extra off days, but it hasn’t worked out the last few years. I don’t mind spending alone (read: alone, not lonely), but alone doing something fun and exciting is much better.
Perhaps there is a soup kitchen somewhere…but I have always been told they have enough volunteers. I am kind of sick of trying to volunteer, unfortunately!
“Christmas is our annual reminder to look up - pondering celestial stars, to look out - serving those in need, and to look down - glorifying our Lord in humble prayer.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich
2) Where and when am I going skiing? I know I am going alone, but I can’t seem to decide on a date and location. I wanted to go to Whistler, BC for Christmas but I am just not sure. I welcome ideas for mountains that are beginner and single friendly.
“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper